~~~
Stuck between a romance that is ongoing…
…and never-ending…
And a passion that might not lead to anywhere.
…a dead end…
My heart aches.
I'm stuck between two lovers.
One really isn't a lover…
But I'd like him to be.
Would he love me back...
...If he knew...
That I loved him so passionately?
I cannot help but wonder, is this the right path that I am taking?
Should I continue this road I am taking, the road that will always be paved in gold, always sunny and beautiful?
Or should I risk that chance of losing everything to follow my heart? To possibly be rejected, turned down – shunned for life?
But if I knew right now, that the chance of us being together is a slim as one out a hundred, I would push away all reason.
And go forth –
To you.
Love makes the person so blind.
I am beyond that point.
Everyone says I'm very smart…but under the hands of love –
I am far from it.
I am but a fool –
That's why I'm in love with you.
~~~
The urgency of telling that information to Kagero was a strong one, and she knew that she had to say it – for ever since she had returned to Japan, that was the only thing that stayed upon her
mind after the first run in with Tokiya.
She could no longer be a frozen statue – she had to say what she had felt before her courage had then to be lost as she would retreat back into the whole of hers.
Was she still in love with him?
She had loved him so intensely in the past –
Too much, actually.
She had given love for two people, when he could not even manage to return the love of half a person.
It hurt.
She had loved him to the point when she was blind to everything- and everyone- around her…
Ignoring all rational thought.
But…wasn't that what a person in love was?
A fool…
…An idiot…
But at least it would blind you –
…and happiness would seep through…
If, of course, the love wasn't one-sided.
If it was, you'll see how a touch can burn.
How the sweetest voice brings words that sting.
When you hear the voice of the one you love, giving words of their love to another…While you were standing there the whole time.
A hole in your heart.
Happiness draining from every fiber of your body…
But then…just a smile from his face would make everything okay, again.
Make all the hurt go away.
And then the cycle would repeat itself again.
It stung…
It stung so much…
She didn't like the feeling but, then again, she guessed that no one did. It was the feelings that an older brother protected their younger sister –
She didn't have an older brother.
Only the man who she loved as a brother, as a lover, as a soul mate, as a friend.
He was but so many things to her, but she was only one.
His little sister.
As her name translation was always...’Wind Child’
Yes, she was but a child...still vulnerable and emotional especially when heart breaks over rejection from someone you truly love.
She was but a child that no one could understand over the years she grew up in the orphanage.
Only that someone understood her.
Tokiya.
And now, filled with angst, she cannot but wonder – did she still love him? Did she still want to fall into this death trap once more?
She really didn't want to know the answer to the question.
But she already knew.
So what if she did? What would the answer truly do?
The last time she had confessed her feelings to him, she had been drunk. Yet that was when she was able to speak so much truth, when she finally found the courage to tell him – but he was un-accepting. Closed-minded. Hard-headed. Un-seeing. Foolish. And any other word you'd like to use for stubborn.
He was practically blind.
In fact, he had been.
But still – even if she did love Tokiya, she would never be like him. She would never bring the pain that Tokiya had brought her to Raiha.
Raiha was her savior, the one that helped melt the ice around her heart. The one that had taught her that it's never too late to love again.
Even if he isn't Tokiya —
Tokiya had destroyed her.
He tore her to shreds and then returned back and did it again.
Although, as much as she would like to hate him for causing her to be the way she is right now – she could not.
She would not.
Why hate him for something he can't do?
Why hate him for being unable to love her?
It wasn't his fault that she was unable to meet his standards – that he was held back with her. He was but the CEO of a booming business – and before he was nothing but a researcher.
But still…
His indifference acknowledgement has caused the whole in her heart to swell with bitterness and ice.
And now, years later, it still hurt.
The pain of the thorns on the bittersweet roses of memories still cut in her deeply.
The thorns seemed to attach themselves, not ever wanting to leave…
Lost forever…
But it wasn't surprising…
Rejection hurt.
She knew it first hand.
She knew all so well.
She had passed through it so many times as if her life was like a play.....no wait, a soap opera run by a thousand time. Can she survive the pain? The hurt?
The answer she didn’t know. She didn’t want to think about it either. It was just too much to handle on her own. She needed someone to confide to.
Kagero seemed the perfect one. She was very understanding and considerate to her bubbliness whenever she was visited by Raiha through his way to the office.
Raiha.
I’m so sorry.
"Oh Fuuko-chan…" the compassionate woman in front of her breathed, as Fuuko smiled woefully, "I never knew… you always seemed so content with Raiha, I never knew all the pain that you
had been in before!!"
Fuuko sighed, "The past is but that past… but still… I cannot help but wonder sometimes – would he have had a changed of heart and began to love me if I had stayed?"
If she had not ran away like she had, would Tokiya had accepted her? Would he have broken up with Aki just to be with her? But most importantly…
Fuuko smiled at her friend, "I am content with Raiha. He helped me heal… he helped me understand that I can move on with my life… that Tokiya isn't the only person who can love me.”
She smiled thoughtfully again.
"But sometimes…I cannot help but wonder…would he have had a change of heart and begin to love me if I stayed? If I have not left, would our relationship had turned out the way that I wish it would be? Would he have accepted me as a lover instead of a sister? And…"
She sighed, she couldn't help wonder the what ifs and the if I… would he had loved her in the years that went by if she had stayed?
Her heart pulsed.
She knew that if Tokiya did feel the same way about her, she would break up with Raiha in an instant. But…then again…there was always her conscious. What type of person would she be—if she just broke up with her lover, just to be with another?
A horrible person.
Raiha was such an innocent in this game…He didn't even know that…that…
Fuuko shook her head.
"But… it would never be. I have Raiha… I'll always have Raiha. I can always depend on him… he loves me, and I love him. It is as simple as that. It is a simple relationship that can keep me
happy for another lifetime…" Her voice was devoid of emotion—just as her eyes were.
Kagero looked at her, her face hard.
Her friend was giving up the beliefs that she had.
She remembered her solemnly giving her advice about a relationship that she had with someone but a year ago.
She said that no matter what happens in a relationship, what makes it strong is the problems that it faces and how it is able to deal with it.
And how love isn't just about making you happy, it's about making you feel as if you can forever look back and know for sure that this was the correct road to take.
"But is that enough?"
"Nani?"
"Is this enough? Is this love enough? Or is this love just trying to replace the void you left for Tokiya's love? Are you sure you love Raiha? Or do you really love Raiha or are you just loving him because of the fact that he's loving you – something that Tokiya did not do. Is he just a support, and nothing more?
"So he loves you, Fuuko-chan… And maybe you do love him like you think you do.
"But, don't you think you should take another chance… To see if Tokiya really does love you? You never know, Fuuko…I think that you should go for it. Raiha would understand. If Raiha loved you the way that happiness is all he seeks for you, he'll understand.
"Because God knows you deserve happiness. I don't want you to look back ten years from now and think, 'what if…', did you know that those words can drive you crazy? Look at you, two years
only and you cannot stop yourself from thinking such things.
"You owe it to yourself to give Tokiya another try."
She stared awestruck at her friend.
'Or are you just loving him because of the fact that he's loving you'
'Something that Tokiya did not do'
'Two years only and you cannot stop yourself from thinking such things'
'Or are you just loving him because of the fact that he's loving you'
'Something that Tokiya did not do'
'Something that Tokiya did not do'
'Something that Tokiya did not do'
Kagero was right.
Tokiya did not do that.
Tokiya did not love her…
Instead he had painfully wounded her…
'But, don't you think you should take another chance…'
She should take another chance—It would be worth it.
But Tokiya hadn't loved her. Why would he now? She was probably a coward to him, anyway, leaving two years ago to escape him. To escape the imprisonment that she knew she would be in because of his dreadful words.
'A little too fabled…'
'You were playing right?'
You were playing right? What type of words were those to a person that just confessed their never-ending love? She remembered his words like it was yesterday.
To take another chance was like to have those words repeated.
To...
Have...
Her...
Heart...
Broke...
Once...
More...
She shook her head in confusion as she whimpered out, "I don't know – I just don't know…"
"Fuuko, just stop thinking for once. Listen to what your heart has to say…"
Her heart.
Yeah, the heart had told her that Tokiya would love her in due of time so long ago…
A mirage…
An un-doubtfully stupid thing to believe.
Fuuko shook her head furiously at that comment.
"Iie… I'm afraid… I cannot… I will not… the last time I did so it brought me to a dead end. Why would time cause something to change?"
"Tell me Fuuko, have you changed during the past two years?" Kagero asked wisely, as Fuuko nodded.
"Then tell me, what makes you think Tokiya has not? You say you lived with him for 14
years of your life – what makes you think that your disappearance meant nothing?"
"I. Don't. Know."
~~~
Raiha sat at his desk, his handsome face brooding. He was thinking about Fuuko…and Tokiya.
He knew.
He knew that there was more than to this 'friend-friend' relationship.
They lived together for nearly fifteen years, after all…
It would only be natural for Fuuko to have fallen in love with him…
But…had she fallen out of love?
He was not stupid. He knew that Fuuko was hiding something from him. He had known her long enough to figure it out how she presented herself. And even though she had described her and Tokiya's relationship from before…
She was leaving out details.
He could tell.
Some parts just didn't fit into the story.
She said their relationship was a very strong one, growing up together in the environment that they did.
Then why did she not keep in touch with him? He knew whom she had kept in touch with because of her giddy self would become when a letter arrived. There was a Neon-san, Yanagi-san, Recca-san, Koganei-san and a Domon-san? And other than that, she would always be chatting to Joker-san, who had actually been the one to introduce them together…
But other than that…
He sighed, he couldn't help but to wonder…
Exactly why had she left France?
And when he had first met her…she was cold—unloving. He had melted the icy glaciers that surrounded her heart.
However, something—or, rather, someone—had to have had put those walls around her.
She had to have been hurt before, in the love area, in order for those walls to have been put up.
Who had hurt her?
He was willing to bet good money that it had been Tokiya. The way her eyes filled with this bittersweet sorrow whenever she talked about him. Or when she would think of the days in Japan…
But Tokiya was a decent man. Raiha had to admit. Tokiya was full of ideas, self-confidence, and charm.
It didn't take a blind person to see that.
However, Tokiya, too, had walls around his heart. Just like Fuuko had. He rejected numerous offers for date, and never went out with anyone, or so he had heard from the gossip roaming
around.
So maybe, Tokiya felt the same way? Was he in love with Fuuko?
He shook his head, and then buried it into his arms. He loved Fuuko, truly he did. With his heart and soul. He knew that she was something special—what man wouldn't?
Apparently, Tokiya…
~~~
In his office, Tokiya was thinking.
Very hard.
He was debating with his head and heart whether or not to tell Fuuko that he loved her.
'She used to love you…what makes you think she still wouldn't now?'
'But she has Raiha, now. A new love... She would reject you.'
'She loved you since she was a young teenager…how could her love just stop?'
'It can. It will.'
He buried his head into his arms…and made his decision.
He was going to tell her that he loved her…And no matter what her decision, he would be happy, just knowing that she finally knew.
Finally.
~~~
Author’s notes:
Okay, so here’s chapter.....er.....chapter 8. Anyway, maybe the chapter 9 might get a little delayed a bit since I only work on my fanfics on Staurdays and Fridays. So, well, stay tuned! I love reciveing e-mail so send me anything even flames okay?