Is it just me, or does anyone else think Joker's an amazingly great, completely underrated character? He's like an older version of Koganei ("older", not "grown-up") and even though he can be friendly, he still has this edge to him... yet even when he's told to "kill Koganei" he only damages Saicho. What a nice guy! He's laid-back, but he certainly has a brain, and he uses it... he's got an attitude, but is so relaxed that you can't really complain. Plus, I happen to like how he looks in regular clothes (in the manga), and he has a cute accent (in the anime). He's just the all-around greatest character, and FoR wouldn't be any good without him!

 
Joker sat back from the computer, admiring his handiwork. With a self-satisfied smirk, he signed off, "Bottou-chan", and clicked on the "send" button.

"You're not waxing eloquent tonight, are you?" asked Raiha, peering over Joker's shoulder. "You can usually go on for several paragraphs, talking about yourself."

Joker jumped nervously. "Oi, oi!" he said, glancing behind at his friend, then turning back to the computer. When did Raiha come into his room? Sneaky ninja, he thought, recovering from the initial shock. "Well, someone has to herald my charms to the world... and since the baka anime only gave me a handful of lines at the last possible moment, I've got to get down to the grass-roots level and tell everyone how wonderful I am!" He beamed at the computer, still deep in thought. "Fanfic. I need a fanfic. Everyone else has a fanfic."

"You gave yourself at least three fanfics," pointed out Raiha. "Calling Tatsuko and Calling Umi.... don't you remember those? And you're busily inserting yourself into the Kurei Fanclub's fic every chance you get."

"Ah, yes, but the first two were so long ago!" protested Joker, his fingers sliding over the keyboard, yet not typing anything. "And besides, I only posted my Tatsuko fic in full. And the KFC's fic, I'm not the focal point. I just get the occasional line or two. I need something that will show me as a strong, capable guy! I need a forum where I can shine! I need something where I can display my dazzling charm, my rapier wit, my full range of masterful capabilities." Joker rocked back in his chair, propping his feet upon his desktop.

"Your dazzling charm, h'm?" laughed Raiha. "Joker-san, I assure you, for every fangirl you have daydreaming about you in Math class, I've got ten. And even then, all mine are real... I have no need to run around calling myself Butto-chan."

"Bottou-chan!" corrected Joker sharply, his pleasant mood suddenly vanishing, replaced by an ominous cloud of tension which surged throughout the room.

"Gomen nasai," replied Raiha simply, smiling earnestly at his friend. "You seem to be having writer's block... why don't I help?"

Joker considered for a moment, then allowed the cloud of tension to dissolve. "Sounds like a plan," he agreed, his cheerful demeanour back up and functioning once more. "Say, how about a love story?"

"You say love story, but you're thinking lemon, aren't you?" accused Raiha, raising one eyebrow suggestively.

Joker's fangs suddenly appeared. "Why not?" he asked cheerily. "Not yaoi," he added, hurriedly. "No offense, Raiha-han, but neither you nor Kurei-han are exactly my type."

Raiha shrugged his shoulders. "What can I say?" he asked. "I'm devastated." He stifled a fake sob. "How about Menou?"

Joker considered. "Nahhh," he shook his head. "I've got at least four or five years on that girl. I'd get thrown into jail for statutory."

"H'mm... then the number of of-age females is pretty limited," Raiha commented, glancing around Joker's room for inspiration. "Kage Houshi?"

"She's cute, but way too old for me," laughed Joker. "And Recca-han would come storming after me."

"Fuuko-chan? Nahh... we have nothing in common, and she's as young as Menou," Joker thought aloud. "Perhaps I could get something going with Rui or Nadare?"

"Yeah, right," replied the purple-haired ninja, playfully throwing a teddy bear at his friend's head. "In whose lifetime?"

Joker easily caught the teddy bear. "Oi, be nice to Kumi-han!" he said, referring to the bear which had been so cavalierly sent flying through the air.

"Cute bear. Well... how about one of the refs? You've got twelve to choose from."

"Why choose? I could have all twelve! It's my fic!" Joker's face lit up. "Now, it's going to be as confusing as heck trying to figure out what to do with them all. And I'd probably have to leave Inoko-chan behind, too, so that just makes eleven..."

"On second thought, no," said Raiha. "How can you possibly preserve your front if you write that kind of a fic? I mean, isn't Bottou-chan supposed to be a relatively pleasant girl who spouts off information about alternative uses for Hershey's syrup, whipped cream, Altoids, and wine, only when asked? Not some 11-girls-and-one-guy lemon-writing wacko. People would get suspicious she was some loney, ecchi guy."

"True," agreed Joker, looking crestfallen. His eyebrow twitched. "Heyyyy.... how do you know what kind of girl Bottou-chan's supposed to be?" he demanded suspiciously.

"Ummm... how about trying a fic with Kurenai-sama? Perhaps while she was still alive... before she fell in love with Kurei-sama?" Raiha hurriedly suggested, studiously avoiding the other's penetrating gaze.

"You're lurking on the ML, too!" crowed Joker triumphantly. He tossed the fluffy Kumi-han at Raiha, and striking him neatly in the side of the head with it. "I'll figure out who you are... just you wait. I'm not exactly computer-illiterate, you know. I can trace you." His eyes flashed mischeviously, but he dragged himself away from this enticing new tangent, to refocus on the dilemma at hand. "Kurei-han, if he ever read the thing, would fry me alive," was his final decision. "You know, and I know, that Kurei-han was her first and only love... but if we write anything contrary to that, he'll find out. Somehow."

"Since when have you been afraid of retribution?" Raiha inquired sweetly. "You're not exactly the world's best team player."

Joker rewarded him with a sour look. "You're supposed to be helping me. Unless you want me to write a fic about your untimely demise. And if you try to write a fic to get back at me, your identity will be cracked!"

Raiha tumbled onto his back, holding Kumi-han the teddy bear at arm's length above him. "It looks like Neon-sama is available," he suggested slowly. "But if she finds out... you'll be in big trouble, too."

"Sounds like a plan! Now, I guess I'll have to write something that's at least borderline legit," agreed Joker. "Now, what kind of circumstances would throw us together into a frenzy of lemony passion?" He smirked at the screen.

Raiha, still studying Kumi-han, thought for a moment. "How about flying on a mission together for Mori-sama? Your plane wrecks, and you're stranded on an island."

"How about she's still the maid around here, and she comes in to give me a wake-up call, and she's overcome with admiration of my manly charms?" suggested Joker.

Raiha snickered. "Yeah, that combined with your little green 'jammies and your teddy bear." He ducked to avoid an eraser being thrown at him, and it bounced harmlessly off the bed to the floor. "How about she just has a really bad day, and you comfort her?"

Joker cocked his head to one side. "Neon-han having a nervous breakdown because of a bad day? In whose world?"

"It's not like they know Neon-sama like we do," answered Raiha objectively. "It's just a premise for a fic. And it's not nearly as corny as writing something like, she stood in the doorway, a slight gasp of admiration caught in her throat as she silently admired the sleeping form of Joker. Such a pinnacle of manly beauty! How relaxed he was in sleep, yet in waking, he was like a lithe panther, ever ready to pounce---"

His story was cut short by a heavy binder being lobbed at his head.

"How much are you going to throw at me?" demanded Raiha, but there was laughter in his eyes. "I'm only trying to set the mood."

"Set the mood, huh!" answered Joker. He poised his hands over the keyboard, then began to write.
 

It had been a bad day. Neon stood in the window, staring blankly through into nothingness, her mind dwelling on the events which had occurred. She was in need of some manly comforting, a pair of strong arms to hold her, a warm chest to nestle up against, a masculine scent to inhale as she surrendered----
 

"Cheeeeee-syyyyyy," objected Raiha, tossing Kumi-han from one hand to another.

"Most lemons are," said Joker. "Say, I wonder why they're called lemons, and not cheeses."

"Because they leave such a sour taste in your mouth?" suggested Raiha. "Try it again.... I like the maid idea. Servants have been historically taken advantage of by those they work for, so that's plausible."

"And to keep me from looking like a bum, she ought to be the one to make the move," suggested Joker.

Raiha nodded in agreement. "Right. Say, how about you come back from doing a job for Mori-sama, and she gives you a backrub?"

"There's an idea," said Joker, grinning his fanged grin once more. His eyes lit up and he began to write:
 

"You're two words into it, and you're already overdoing things," said Raiha sternly, and Joker meekly complied with the constructive criticism.
 

"Illustrious Kurei?" Raiha asked dubiously. "Since when have you and Kurei-sama had such a relationship?"

"It's fiction, ne?" inquired Joker. "Besides, it might get me brownie points if he ever happens to read it. And in my kind of situation, you need all the brownie points you can get." He continued.
 

It had been a long, tough battle, but he had triumphed in the end over the fiends who had dared oppose Kurei's wishes. And Joker, always willing to do his duty, had done it well. He contented himself with the thought that his master would be pleased. And yet his muscles ached from the ordeal which he had just experienced.
"Neon," said Kurei, summoning the beautiful, busty, red-haired woman into his presence. She and her sisters had been taken into the mansion, to serve as maids.
"Hai, Kurei-sama," she answered, ever-loyal. She kept her eyes submissively downcast as she awaited his orders.
"Joker is in need of a good backrub. See to it that his tension is relieved," Kurei said, issuing his command in his usual emotionless voice.
"Hai," answered Neon, nodding. "Please, Joker-sama, get ready, and I shall see you on the third floor."
 

Raiha broke out laughing. "Joker is in need of a good backrub! See to it that his tension is relieved!" he chortled through gasps of laughter. "Oh, I cannot be-LIEVE you wrote that!"

"Won't Neon be mad, though!" snickered Joker. "Ah, well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her!"
 

A little while later, Joker was lying on his stomach on the massage table, his posterior demurely covered by a towel, awaiting her ministrations.
 

"I spelled that right, didn't I?" he asked, glancing over at Raiha. Raiha stood up and glanced over the screen.

"Mmmhmmm," he nodded. "You said what you wanted to say." He fell back onto the bed, and made Kumi-han's legs dance.
 

"Ah! Neon-han!" he said, when the woman arrived, with the tray of assorted oils. She lit some candles, dimmed the lights, and put on some soothing music. "This is exactly what I need... you have no idea how tough it was!"
"I'm sure it was no trouble for such a strong fighter as yourself," Neon said, her voice tinged with admiration, as she rubbed some massage oil between her palms to warm it.
"Even so, it took some effort," said Joker. He found himself relaxing under the expert touch of her hands as she rubbed away the tension from his shoulder muscles. "What a nice touch you have!" he remarked, contentedly, reveling in the backrub.
"Oh?" inquired Neon, smiling. She dragged her strong fingers delicately down his spine, rubbing the oil into the small of his back. "Your musculature is very nicely defined."
 

Raiha was lost in a fit of giggles again. "Oooo, Joker-sama!" he said in a high-pitched voice. "Your musculature is very nicely defined!"

Joker looked around for something else to throw, but decided against it. "Making fun of my writing, huh?" he huffed, good-naturedly. "Well, then, O great author, why don't you write the next part!"

"We'll see if I can get this going, with more lemons and less cheese," said Raiha as the two exchanged seats.
 

Neon was the hired maid, but she was still a woman to the very core of her being. And there was something-- something-- unexplainable. Why did she suddenly feel so attracted to this skinny, fanged, rasta-braided smartaleck freak from Osaka?
 

"Oi, be nice!" said Joker. He made Kumi-han stalk across the floor to the legs of Raiha's chair. "Be nice, or else my teddy bear will teach you a lesson!"

"Just seeing if you were paying attention," grinned Raiha, and erased the last passage.
 

Neon was the hired maid, but she was still a woman to the very core of her being. And there was something-- something-- unexplainable. Why did she suddenly feel so attracted to this man? He was a member of the elite Uruha, a skilled fighter, with a deadly edge disguised beneath his cheerful, carefree exterior. This man could kill-- had killed!-- would continue to kill, all at Kurei's order. And yet, here he was, so calm and peaceful and... almost vulnerable... as he submitted himself to her strong, massaging fingers. She found the contrast highly intriguing.
 

"Not bad," admitted Joker grudgingly. "Go on..."

"Here's where we get to the difficult part," explained Raiha. "We have to make the turn from 'regular fic' into 'lemon', and bypass the 'cheese'. We have to make it believable."

"Be my guest," offered Joker, watching the screen expectantly.
 

As the massage progressed onwards, the candles flickered lower and lower. Joker's tenseness evaporated, and his breathing became slow and even. Almost as though he were asleep, Neon thought, and took advantage of the chance to survey him more thoroughly. The oils and the candlelight helped to emphasize the curvature of his muscles, to accentuate the lines of his body. She found that the more she admired him, the less her hands were massaging, and the more the massage turned into an exploration.
Joker's breathing was still calm and even, heightening her courage. Neon's face softened, watching the sleeping figure... perhaps... perhaps... She leaned over and kissed him gently on the shoulder, nipping him lightly with her teeth as she did so.
Joker stirred sleepily, raising his head. "H'mm?" he asked sleepily, looking up at her. His face was so close to hers... Neon couldn't resist. She cupped his chin with one hand, sliding the other around behind his head, and gave him a deep kiss.
 

"Why'd you stop?" demanded Joker plainatively. "It's just getting good."

Raiha had the decency to blush. "I... er... I think you should write the next part," he said hesitantly.

"You're afraid to go into the graphic nitty-gritty details, is that so?" mocked Joker cheerily. "Admit it! Or perhaps... perhaps... you just don't know what a deep kiss is like so you can't describe one?"

Raiha was beginning to feel irritated, and he inwardly scolded himself for allowing Joker to crack his calm exterior. "It's not that," he said. "I just don't like the idea of writing such things about Neon-sama..."

"It's not really Neon-sama, it's just her in a story," explained Joker. "And it's not even written under my name, so as soon as we send it out, the sooner we can innocently whistle and say, 'Oh, my! Who is this Bottou-chan who would dare write such things about our beloved own?"

"Err... I'd still prefer it if you wrote the next part. I'll pick it up later," he added.

"Suit yourself," shrugged Joker, and they exchanged seats once more. He stared off at a corner of the ceiling, then began plugging away at the keyboard.
 

Joker snapped wide awake. What did she think she was doing? And yet... somehow... for some reason... he didn't draw back. As he had accepted her hands earlier, he accepted her kiss. He returned it with equal forcefulness, somehow maneuvering himself into a sitting position in the process, slipping his hands around her neck, entwining his fingers in her beautiful hair. Some chord, deep down inside, had been struck. And suddenly, Neon was no longer just one of the mansion's staff of servants, merely a machine with a pretty face and a good body, who did chores. She was a woman, through and through...
 

"You're not paying attention," said Joker accusingly. "Admit it. You're embarrassed."

"It's just... weird," apologized Raiha, who had been staring at a "Magic Eye" poster tacked to one wall.

"Not into voyeurism, hm?" grinned his friend. "Well, you promised you'd help, so you have to stick with it. Otherwise, I might turn into a yaoi writer and send you drooling after Kurei-han..."

Raiha paled. "Please don't," he said, his voice tinged with distress. "I know I look feminine, but it doesn't mean I want that kind of a relationship with men."

The two stared at each other. "Have I ever told you," Joker remarked solemnly, "You're almost as good at disguising your edge as I am?"

Raiha smiled. "It's where the femininity comes in handy." He playfully tossed his hair behind his shoulder. "Now, hurry up and finish your fic. The longer it stays on the computer, the more likely you are to get caught."
 

The two were caught up in a passionate embrace. Yet, even in the midst of being caught up in the sweetness of the moment, Joker was still hesitant. "Neon-han," he said, breaking their frenzied kiss and holding her at arm's length. "Are you sure about this?" His normally playful eyes had a serious brightness around them, as he gazed earnestly at her. As a member of the Uruha, Kurei had taught him his motto: 'Lie, cheat, seduce, betray people, all for money and power. And when people can no longer be used, destroy them.' Joker had had his fair share of lying, cheating, seducing, and betraying. And yet somehow, this woman was different... she didn't seem like a tool to be used. He even got the distinct impression it was she who was in control here.
But Neon only smiled down at him. "I always know exactly what I want," she murmured in a sultry voice, raking her nails lightly against Joker's chest. He caught her wrist and kissed it, then bit it softly. She gently freed it from his grasp. "I want you to look at me," she said, tilting his chin upwards and resuming their intense gaze. Neon reached for the first button of her demure brown dress, undoing it with nimble fingers. Then the second, then the third... soon, her dress was lying pooled around her feet. She was wearing nothing underneath.
"Neon-han... you're beautiful," murmured Joker, rising from the table and clasping her tightly against him. The towel which had covered him so demurely before fell unheeded to the floor as he rose.
A sultry smile appeared on Neon's lips. She moved back slightly, her eyes raking his undressed figure, assessing. "As you are, Joker-sama...." And with that she wrapped her arms around his neck and gently drew his head to hers. She pressed her lips to his and it didn't take much effort for him to welcome her kiss. He wrapped his muscular arms around her soft body, holding her tight. The warmth he felt did not come from any external forces but from a fire that burned within. A fire this beautiful creature had ignited and whose power seemed to be growing by the minute.
Deciding his knees would give in any minute, he took her in his arms and laid her on the massage table. She laid there, the fiery mass of her hair spread like wildfire on the cushion. Her eyes emanated the same flame her body seemed to radiate. He touched her cheek gently, caressing with the back of his hand.
"You're sure...you want to do this...Neon-han?" he asked earnestly after lifting his lips from hers. "If so...say it now because I don't think I can stop it if....we go any further...." His breathing was suddenly becoming a little difficult.
"You talk too much Joker-sama...." she whispered. She put a finger to his lips. "I am your woman today" and with that she pulled him closer, pressing her generous bosom to his chest. She kissed him again when his face got close enough. And Joker began to lose his hold on his self-control.
Her lips were so soft...as well as her beautifully curved body. Joker found his hands exploring her body as she did his when she was massaging him. Her skin was soft as velvet and smelled as fragrant as lavender. He used to think servants were smelly peasants. But this one...ah, she was one incredible exception. His hands made a gentle caress everywhere it went. He could hear her making gentle sounds as he moved from one area of her body to another. Sounds he could barely hear lest understand but knew that they murmured approval.
He withdrew from kissing her then, and proceeded to perform with his lips what his hands had done earlier. He left a trail of light kisses beginning from her smooth neck going down...down...to her collarbone...and reaching the destination he was almost afraid to look at. Neon had been gifted with a beautiful bosom. The two mounds rose like mountains, sloping upward and meeting in a downward slope in the middle of her chest. Rosy peaks were at the pinnacle, obviosuly aroused at their currrent state. He reached out a hand to them, tentatively touching first at the sides. His light caress caused a small sound to come from her pretty mouth. Encouraged, he gently gave the left one a squeeze...and followed it with just the slightest of kisses around the
cream-colored mound.
"Joker-sama....." Neon spoke almost breathlessly, "Kiss me...."
As though it was permission given, he took one of the rosy peaks in his mouth, kissing at first, and sucking lightly later on. His other hand gave the other mound an almost rough caress, stimulating her nipple with his fingers to hardness. He could feel her arching her back and her hand pressing his head harder on her chest. He withdrew to move to her other breast, rewarding it with the same pleasure he had the other.
Neon was becoming agitated, moving restlessly beneath him. Joker felt he had more control over her now. From her chest, he moved lower still, granting her a kiss for every inch that he proceeded. Until he got to her flat abdomen. Joker, out of belated modesty, averted his eyes from what followed that part of her wonderful anatomy. Instead, he shifted sideways and made his lovely mouth move across her silken thighs in a frenzied path. He rubbed his cheek against her legs down to her feet. By then he had assumed a sitting position and had taken her lovely toes with their unpainted nails in his mouth. He kissed every one of them, doing a mild suction. He heard Neon murmur incoherently, not sure whether she wanted him to stop or go on.
But there was no stopping now, Joker thought to himself. They had gone beyond the reins of contol. Perhaps only physical force can tear them apart now. And for a second he became conscious that they might have left the door unlocked and someone may barge in anytime and find them in a most awkward position.
"I locked the door..." Neon whispered, as if reading his mind when he stopped kissing her toes. On cue, he continued his onslaught, tracing a path back up form her pretty little toes up to her long legs and velvety thighs. By now it was inevitable and Joker looked up from his position at the level of her upper thigh.
Neon, sensing his hesitancy parted her thighs a little wider. She adored the tender look on his face...drowned so in  passion and yet apparently holding back. Though she knew he was losing his grip...losing his battle against this what he percieves as a forbidden primtive dance.
"Don't you want me?" she asked in a hurt little girl voice, even if she knew the answer as it was more than visible on his handsome face.
"Neon-han...."
"Or aren't you just man enough to take me?" she teased, parting her thighs a little more as she knew what his answer was going to be. Arrogant man that he was, she knew she could provoke him with a few words.
Neon was almost jolted by his response to her challenge. Her back arched in pleasure, pushing her womanhood to Joker's face which had already embedded itself in there. She could feel the thrill coming from where his mouth had made contact with her femininity, radiating all the way to the peak of her breasts. It electrified her so. And she could not control the murmurs of pleasure coming from her throat.
Her words had broken the ties that Joker used to restrain himself. But then he knew he would have surrendered any minute sans her challenge. She was just too irresistable. He could smell the velvety fragrance of her womanhood from his position earlier.  It looked and smelled so sweet and inviting. So he had helped himself, introducing his mouth to it. Kissing and pressing deeper. And as his firm tongue did the talking, putting pressure on the orifice, the more mositure came from it. He introduced his tongue further into the welcoming area and found her thrashing wildly beneath him. He took in that button which seemed to be causing her such a frenzy and tugged at it with gentle pressure using his mouth and teeth. Joker knew she was absolutely lost.
He didn't know how long he had stayed on her abdomen, all he knew was that he had driven her almost mindless with the kisses he had rained her with. Not that he wasn't, for he was just as swept with the tidal wave of passion as she was. He allowed himself to be carried with the strong currents to the point of no return.
He raised himself later on and moved back up, showering her magnificent body with kisses once more. He paused a while on her well-endowed chest and granted them the same kind of loving he had given her central core.
"Take me, Joker-sama...." Neon commanded albeit softly. "Make me yours...."
It was all he needed.
Neon could not stifle a scream as he made his entry. She cradled him with her hips and wrapped her long legs with his. She welcomed him, all heart, all soul into her womanhood. She felt as though her heart would burst. Joker gasped, unable to control the sounds that came from his throat as her sweet orifice sheathed him. He made his move, forward, pushing hard and moving with the rhythm of this primal ritual. Neon moved with him, and they functioned as one. It wasn't long before he could feel the incredible tide of pleasure enveloping him. it was rapturous, rising, rising...until it came, as sudden as an explosion and as colorful as fireworks on a New Year's day. Simultaneously their worlds exploded, and Joker called out her name as in a trance.
"Neon-han..." he muttered almost breathlessly.
"Joker-sama...." she cried in pleasure.
He had not taken note of how long those fireworks lasted, but when they did wane down, Joker found himself with his back on the massage table catching his breath. Neon laid beside him, her body half on top of his as they didn't quite fit the table. She nestled her head against his broad chest and snuggled her warm body against his.
Neon's hand wandered lazily on his chest, stopping by his nipple and lazily prodding it.
"Neon-han...I...." he began after somewhat regaining his normal breathing. "Forgive me...I..."
"No need for apologies, Joker-sama." Neon replied calmly. "It was I who started it, after all."
"You aren't angry...are you?" his words almost caused his alter ego to laugh. The almight Joker...apologizing to a servant?
"Only if you hadn't lived up to my expectations." she smiled lazily, "But you did...and much more." And with that, her hands began another exploration of his fine anatomy. An involuntary groan escaped form Joker's lips. "But perhaps we should do this another time..." Neon slipped from his embrace and went down the table. She picked up her clothing and dressed. She fixed her hair and replaced her maid cap. As though nothing had happened.
"Another time?" Joker wondered.
"Or don't you want it?" Neon teased. The look on his face told her his answer. "Right now I have to do my chores." She planted a kiss on his cheek before proceeding to the door, "See you around, Joker-sama..."
Joker shook his head in disbelief as he watched her make her exit. The woman was unbelievable. So in control and yet...He picked up his towel and wrapped it around his waist. Another time??? He think he couldn't wait for that one.

Raiha stared at the screen. "You've got that all planned out, don't you?"

Joker flashed him a mischevious grin. "I'll write about you and Koganei next time," he promised.

Raiha rolled his eyes. "You do, you're dead," he promised lightly. "But that's neither here nor now. Ma, Joker-san... get that off the computer before Neon sees it! Otherwise, I can assure you, you won't make it to see tomorrow morning."

"What Neon-han doesn't know won't hurt her, ne? I won't tell her... you won't tell her," pointed out Joker reasonably. "And if she does learn somehow, I think a certain Fuuko-chan will learn about some of your own scribblings..."

Raiha's eyes widened. "My lips are sealed," he promised.